november 2013

I feel so confused

I'm having a hard time understanding myself. I go from feeling okay to feeling sad and feeling that I will never get better. And I do that several times a day now. It's so confusing. I wrote down ...


I hate it when I'm full of anxiety and there's absolutely no reason for it. 
Feels like everything inside me is shivering. I try to unclench my jaws and relax. But my hands are shaking and I'...


I really hate to never have enough money at all. It's tiring to live like this. Maybe I should try to use my photographies to make somethings to sell on Etsy or something. That could help a little ...

Don't want to sleep

But I should. It's 12.30am and I should be sound asleep.
But this is the last night alone until monday and I don't want it to end. I'm supposed to have wednesdays alone, but my son decided t...

Group therapy

I finally managed to loosen up the last 20 minutes in group therapy today. That was a good feeling after weeks of anxiety there. To bad it's starting three new ones next time. I'll still do my best...

Tired and sensitive

I did get some more sleep. I slept from 7am to almost 10am.
So I did get nearly 7 hours sleep combined.
But it feels like I only got those first 4.
Planning on going to bed early ...

In the night

It's almost 4 am.I slept for about 4 hours. Tired and need more sleep. Why did I have to wake up hungry... Guess I have to eat something to be able to get back to sleep again.


My chest hurts. My heart has been acting strange tonight. Not having a hart attack or anything. It's just anxiety. Going to bed.

The end to my days alone for now

Today has been a pretty good day. I slept well and that made me have some energy today.I even managed to vacuum the livingroom. And the sofa.My cat didn't like it though. So he didn't want to come...

22 november 2013... Still exhausted

Need to sleep Good night!


I've had a session with U today. It went much better than last time when it comes to be able to talk and look at her. It was still very difficult though. I was so anxious. But I made it through n...

19 november 2013... Quiet...

I'm kind of quiet here these days. It's because I'm tired and at a loss for words. Tomorrow I have an appointment with U again. I hope it will be better than last time from my part. I hope I can ...

16 november 2013... Too tired to stay up

With only 4 hours sleep last night, I'm more than ready to go to bed at 9 pm tonight.
Good night!

I keep misunderstanding things!

It's frustrating!

14 november 2013... I'm feeling sad

And I'm not quite sure why. I should still feel happy about the good news I got earlier. But that feeling has drowned in this sad feeling. I feel like I want to cry. And the lump in my throat is b...

14 november 2013... Crying... but this time it's happy tears

I got a message from my older brother. And I was afraid to read it, because I was afraid that he would talk about the money I owe him from the repairs on my car. And it was about that, but the mess...


I remembered letting the cat out. I remember, but have ignored the fact that I planned on getting some editing done. I still have time today though, so maybe I get some done after all. I'll see...

9 november 2013...

Today has been a day where I have done almost nothing. I've eaten food. I've showered. I've been grocery shopping. I've listen to music. I've played with my cat. Eaten some chocolate. Playing Sodu...

8 november 2013... Some good news

Yesterday I had an appointment with K. And that's where I got the good news. I get to keep having appointments with him for quite a while. But it will be off the record. There won't be written any ...

6 november 2013... And now about today

I was so nervous before my appointment with U today. 
I showed her a part of what I wrote here yesterday. She was so nice to me. I wasn't able to show her that I appreciated it, I was way too...

About today

So, I have been to group therapy today. Beside me staring at the floor the entire time and being very tense, it went "well". Since I had no connections with my feelings it wasn't too terrible. My b...

It's tuesday tomorrow

And that means group therapy. 
And that also means I should be a complete nervous wreck now.
But I'm not.
I don't feel much at all. I'm numb. 
The only thing that tells me I...

2 november 2013... Better again, as long as I don't think too much

I'm actually coping quite okay. I survived the info-meeting yesterday and I think that made me enough "happy" that I'm able to relax this weekend. I have my daughter here and we are having a good t...

1 november 2013...

I survived the information meeting. Didn't completely fill out the form we were supposed to do, because I just had to get out of there. To much anxiety to be able to wait for help filling it out.

1 november 2013... I don't want it to be friday!

It's 3.58 am. And I know it's friday already. But if I go to bed it will very soon be time for going to that information meeting. I don't want to. But of course I'll go. I'm a grown up woman, so I...
Paint me Black

Paint me Black

40, Re

Woman with AvPd (avoidant personality disorder), social phobia, ADHD and depression.

I'm honest and don't hide anything here but mine and others identity.

I'm a mom to two teenagers.

I have weekly individual therapy with a psychologist and I have meetings weekly with a psychiatric nurse.

My wishes is to be able to manage life without braking apart at every little bump in the road.

I want to live, but not like this for the rest of my life. That's why I am trying to do something about it.