september 2013

25 september 2013... Nope, she didn't get it. Not at all!

So as I wrote yesterday. I sent my sister that email have been writing and rewriting so it would be as non accusing and easy to understand as possible email to my sister. I got back an email from ...

Aaahhh....

I've finished the email to my sister. And I'm terrified! I'm going to send it tomorrow. Already regretting this, but I have to do it. I have written it in as nice tone as I possibly could. And ...

23 september 2013... Lack of emotions

As I wrote about in my last entry, I sometimes experience that I zone out. And that happened last thursday during my session with K. When I was talking my mind went blank and my emotions disappeare...

19 september 2013... Talking about emotions are no easy task

I've had an appointment with K today. He called me yesterday since we had agreed on him calling to check up on me on tuesday. He didn't have time to call that day, so that's why he called yesterday...

17 september 2013... Stupid little things

Just to show how little it takes to make my mood drop and I feel terrible I tell you what happened a couple of hours ago. Just the fact that it took me that much time to be able to write about it s...

Am I a spoiled brat...

God I feel like a little spoiled brat.
I hate situations were I'm expected to be grateful. And I'm not able to be.
My mom called earlier and told me she had transferred money to me. I s...

13 september 2013... Alone for a little while...

I wish I could get out of this depression soon. I really don't have time for this now. I'm moving in just 3 weeks, so I need my energy and a bit happiness to start preparing for it all. I just don...

10 september 2013... The book

I decided yesterday that I would return the book I got from my sister. And since I was in town already because of group therapy, I took it with me and I returned it and chose a novel and a good pen...

9 september 2013...

Today have been a good day. I have colored my hair again. Been nice to my feet. And I've got nail polish on and everything. So ready for bed and hope to sleep well because tomorrow is tuesday and t...

8 september 2013... Being smart...

I did something smart. I drove both kids to their dad. So I have the apartment to myself. And I need that so much now. It's good being alone and not having to make sure everybody is happy. 
N...

7/8 september 2013... Feelings...

I hate how depression sometimes makes every sound feels like noise. Every touch makes me want to pull away and brush the sensation of it off my skin. The presence of people feels intrusive. I'm jus...

6 september 2013...

I'm having trouble trying to act normal and somewhat happy these days. I have my kids this weekend and I don't want to make them feel bad because I feel bad. I'm having a hard time smiling. I can't...

5 september...

I was going to write about the last couple of days, but I'm too depressed.

3 september 2013... So maybe things will be okay in the end...

I forgot there was starting a new person in group therapytoday. So it was no room for talking about anything. But I had an individual appointment with the psychologist a couple of hours later. Not...

Syk og trist og forbanna

I dag er ingen god dag. Jeg har blitt syk i tillegg til å være innmari lei meg og såret. Bare forkjølelse eller noe, men skal definitivt legge meg veldig tidlig i kveld.Jeg har både gruppeterapi ...

Natt 2 september 2013... My mood is falling

I'm so sad. My son has gone to bed and that's when the tears came. 
I'm tired of fighting with my illnesses. I don't want to anymore. I can't see why its a point in doing it. I'm never goin...

1 september 2013...

It's a strange feeling, laughing at something funny while at the same time you're crying on the inside and your chest hurts from the pain of being broken.

1 september 2013... Hurt

It was ok with visit. Until she took out the book. And said with seriousness in her voice, that I only got it if I promised to not read about my diagnoses or blogs about it while I work on the book...

1 september 2013... Waiting...

I'm still waiting. Maybe they're here in an hour. The positives of having people visiting is that I get a clean(er) house. And I've baked buns and chocolate muffins. So I have been very producti...

1 september 2013... I want to be alone but...

My sister is coming today. And her son. I really hope she has forgotten those books. And that she doesn't say anything about the car. My sister is a good sister. I don't mean to make her sound ter...

31 august 2013...

I'm trying to concentrate, but it's not easy when the landlord is building something or whatever it is that he needs a hammer for... It's annoying and makes me anxious.

28 august 2013... It starts a bit happy and ends quite depressing...

You've been warned. And it's another novel... Things I'm looking forward to when I've moved in back to my old apartment: Using my own washing machine
Using my own stow (maybe)
Having ...

25 agust 2013... I did it!

And now I feel guilty and terrible. I haven't done anything wrong, but my feelings don't believe me. Almost burst into tears when I was safe inside my apartment again. I'm shaking and want to cr...

25 august 2013...

I'm writing the resignation of the apartment here. I'm having a hard time breathing. My mouth is bone dry. It's hard swallowing and my chest hurts. Why does it have to be so difficult doing an pe...

24 august 2013... I just love waking up with a pounding heart

Nothing gets you faster awake than some nice anxiety and dreadfull thoughts in the morning... later: IT WOULD BE NICE IF THE ANXIETY COULD GIVE ME A LITTLE TIME ON MY OWN NOW... Later; I got my...

23 august 2013

I'm so lucky. I'm having yet another bad day. Last night my son told me he had a doctors appointment this morning. Could I drive him... It takes about 40 min. First I said no, he had to take the b...

22 august 2013... Not so funny reading, so just ignore it. It's long and boring and full of whining.

I don't feel very good these days. I have too many things I am anxious about now. I'm moving. The date is oct 6'th, but I haven't given my landlord the resignation for this apartment yet. I have t...
Paint me Black

Paint me Black

40, Re

Woman with AvPd (avoidant personality disorder), social phobia, ADHD and depression.


I'm honest and don't hide anything here but mine and others identity.

I'm a mom to two teenagers.

I have weekly individual therapy with a psychologist and I have meetings weekly with a psychiatric nurse.

My wishes is to be able to manage life without braking apart at every little bump in the road.

I want to live, but not like this for the rest of my life. That's why I am trying to do something about it.

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