januar 2014

Exhausted!

I can't even smile.

Still no emotions

Except being anxious. And that is an emotion I really can live without.
But at least I'm not feeling any pain from too much emotions. It's just so "wrong" to not feel anything.
It's li...

I don't feel anything

I have no emotions. The world could collapse and I wouldnt care.

Oh all the tears

I cried when I talked to my psychologist today. 
Not just struggling with teary eyes, but tears streaming down my face.
That's the first time I have ever shown that much emotions in fro...

I would like to freeze time right now, thank you

....

Ambivalent

I had an appointment with K yesterday. 
When I got home I was not in a mood that would allow me to write much about it. I mostly lay on the sofa crying. It's very possible that writing about...

On days like this

I really wish I wasn't alone.That person wouldn't have to do anything or even talk to me. Just by somebody calm being there I would feel safer and not so terribly alone.

I thought my bookshelf's was a man

I hate when I "see" things that scares me.
But I'm glad it only is my imagination,
because then I'm only scared for a moment.

Insomnia and other things

What's the point of going to bed early because you are tired and exhausted, only to wake up four hours later after very light sleep and then you can't get back to sleep at all? 
After two mor...

Numbing

Had an appointment with U today. Tuff one so need to numb my emotions. Watching series on Netflix. Helps keeping things at distance.

Sometimes I feel that I need somebody to tell me and assure me that I am a good person

Me: Am I a good person? Someone I trust: Yes you are. Me: Are you sure? Someone I trust: Yes! Me: Okay, I can keep on living then.

Reality

The oncoming of reality is making it feel like my head is burning. 
My brain is boiling with the anticipation of dread and doom in the near future. It is so painful. Actual physical pain....

Emotions are tricky

When I don't feel much or nothing at all,
I really want to have emotions. When I do feel something,
I can't tolerate the emotions. It's like I can never have the amount of emotions th...

People say to the mentally ill

" 'You know so many people think the world of you'. But when they don't like themselves they don't notice anything. They don't care about what people think of them. When you hate yourself, whatever...
Paint me Black

Paint me Black

40, Re

Woman with AvPd (avoidant personality disorder), social phobia, ADHD and depression.


I'm honest and don't hide anything here but mine and others identity.

I'm a mom to two teenagers.

I have weekly individual therapy with a psychologist and I have meetings weekly with a psychiatric nurse.

My wishes is to be able to manage life without braking apart at every little bump in the road.

I want to live, but not like this for the rest of my life. That's why I am trying to do something about it.

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