An update

Just wanted to say I'm still here.

I have been living with my boyfriend for a year now. I'm doing ok, sort of.
Still feeling numb or feeling too much. Mostly numb.

Not much have changed around me apart from living with my boyfriend.
The cat I inherited died a few months ago. That was so terrible. I really loved that little cat.
We tried to adopt another cat, but my first cat almost moved to the neighbours then, so I had to deliver her back. That really hurt too. But my first cat was here first, so he has veto right. He's much more content now, so its good.
I went to a private psychologist some months, but it just didn't quite work as I hope for. So when I got someone to talk to twice a week, I stopped going to the psychologist when he suddenly didn't set a new appointment, but wanted me to something I just couldn't make me do. Nothing crazy, it was just too difficult for me. 
So now I talk to T two times a week, two hours each time and that feels much better all in all. I got refused spots at the place I have talked about when I finally where able to get my doctor to send an application. So that felt like a really hard blow. He then applied for me to get back to DPS, but they didn't want me either. So I'm quite unwanted :P 
I'm now in a spot where I don't care, but when I first got those letters I really did care. It's not a good feeling to be rejected.
Now I sometimes just want to end all kinds of therapy and just be left alone and pretend everything is just fine. 
But I'm going to continue the talk therapy with T and hope that maybe it will help in the long run.

Maybe I'll be back with an update again sometime.

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Paint me Black

Paint me Black

44, Re

Woman with AvPd (avoidant personality disorder), social phobia, ADHD and depression.

I'm honest and don't hide anything here but mine and others identity.

I'm a mom.

I have no psychologist right now, but I may get in some new treatment plan soon. I do have meetings with a psychiatric nurse every other week.

My wishes is to be able to manage life without breaking apart at every little bump in the road.

I want to live, but not like this for the rest of my life. That's why I am trying to do something about it.