Reality is creeping back

Tomorrow my "vacation" is over (that means those days without having to think about the reality, aka money trouble and so on).

I have an appointment at 11am with H.

I like the days where I'm able to keep everything away from my mind. Just keeping the nice stuff, like making things and so on. It took so long time before I could enjoy the days alone without having to think about anything else than doing things and let reality live its own life without me.

I've been gradually getting the anxiety level down, but now it's going up again.

Oh...fuck... I just remembered that tomorrow is the last day to deliver that application for disability benefits. I have to bring my mac to that appointment tomorrow. I need help finishing it, that's why I haven't delivered it yet. The last few days have made me forget everything.

Well, it's not forgotten anymore.

Damn it!

Why can't I just live in my little bubble of "happiness"...

Because I'm a grownup that's why.

And I haven't been happy... I just have been "up".

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Paint me Black

Paint me Black

41, Re

Woman with AvPd (avoidant personality disorder), social phobia, ADHD and depression.

I'm honest and don't hide anything here but mine and others identity.

I'm a mom to two teenagers.

I have weekly individual therapy with a psychologist and I have meetings weekly with a psychiatric nurse.

My wishes is to be able to manage life without breaking apart at every little bump in the road.

I want to live, but not like this for the rest of my life. That's why I am trying to do something about it.