When people say money doesn't make you happy...

they must assume you are healthy so you are able to work to make a living.
And not only that... they must mean that you have a job or will be able to get a job that gives you enough money to make sure you do not need to get help otherwise. 
If it only meant that you have to work harder to get enough money it would be okay if I was healthy. But I'm not. And those who say that I can just take fews jobs now and then to make ends meet, when they know that I'm applying for disability benefits, they can go fuck themselves. I'm not applying for it to work... I'm applying because I'm not functioning enough to work. Yes, I might take a little job or two, but that is only if I am functioning better a little while, so that I will be able to. I can't count on that as a way to get more money. If I could work so I could count on a steady partial income I wouldn't apply for disability benefits 100%.

And making a budget doesn't mean that there is enough money to live of each month. It just mean you know how screwed you are each month.

I know I'm privileged compered to many others when it comes to money. But that doesn't mean it isn't a huge problem for me not have enough. 
It takes away my will to live (the little one I have left).
As I see it, I can make it until august 20th. After that I just don't know what to do at all. Except having to let other people (aka family) use their own money to help me. I do not like that. I really resent getting anymore help when it comes to money. They have helped me way too much already. I'm nothing but a burden on them.

I don't like this. I don't want to keep being a burden.

But I still don't know what I will get on disability benefits. Maybe I will get a little more than I do now. I doubt it.

I just have to wait and see first.

I only see black...

Having enough money to not have to worry about my future when it comes to being able to pay my bills, have enough food and being able to buy new clothes when my kids or I need it. And buy birthday presents to my kids instead of telling them that I can't afford any. That would make me happier. It wouldn't take away my mental health problems or not make me dread my future. But I would have one less thing that brings me down and make it hard to focus on getting better and work on my issues.

So money doesn't equal happiness, but it means less problems in my daily life.

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Paint me Black

Paint me Black

41, Re

Woman with AvPd (avoidant personality disorder), social phobia, ADHD and depression.


I'm honest and don't hide anything here but mine and others identity.

I'm a mom to two teenagers.

I have weekly individual therapy with a psychologist and I have meetings weekly with a psychiatric nurse.

My wishes is to be able to manage life without breaking apart at every little bump in the road.

I want to live, but not like this for the rest of my life. That's why I am trying to do something about it.

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