15 august 2013... I don't know what to do

I'm having a dilemma. 
I've moved a lot of times the past years. Since 2008 I have moved 8 times... I moved in here April 26th this year. In all those years the only place I really loved living was a place were there are not much public transportation to. Only school bus. I lived there for 8 months before I moved in with a man that was a really bad guy. After 9 months he dumped me and I discovered who he truly was. I don't count those places where I lived with him even if the apartments theme selves were good, because I don't have any good feelings about anything that involves him. 
Ever since (it's been 17 months now) I have missed that apartment.

I'm still in contact with the really nice old woman that owns the house and live in the other apartment in the house. She calls me when she needs some help with her computer. Like e-mails, printing pictures and Internet. Just easy stuff, but she likes me to help her because I'm patient and calm. And I love helping her. She's so nice. 
And now to the point. 
Last night she called me because she wants me to come and help her put the apartment out on Finn.no (it's a Norwegian site where you can advertise anything for sale or rent). 
It's available again! I checked last time I looked for an apartment and that time he who lived there didn't have any intention to move.


I desperately want to move back!!! It was the absolutely best place to live. Everywhere I have lived since have been a disappointment. 
It has almost all the things I need to be able to relax and not being anxious all the time. 
It's quiet there. I'm not afraid of the landlady. It has so much light because of really fantastic big windows (they are actually kind of doors made of glass). It's bigger than anywhere else I've lived on my own and that means it doesn't feel like the walls are closing in on me. And it's cheaper! 
Why couldn't it have been available a few months ago...

On Monday I'm going to her place to help her with the advertisement. And I really want to beg her to let me move in again. I know she miss me. And it much easier to ask for help with all the small things when she knows I only have to go out the door, up some steps and in a door. Instead of driving for 40 minutes.

And the problems by moving again now is:

I have to live here two months after I have given my landlord the resignation (I don't know if it's called that) And that's from the last day of the month. And the other place is free a month prior to that.

He will probably think I'm even crazier than he already thinks.

I have to get new contact with the psychiatric team and nav again.

I'm not sure anyone will help me move so soon since the last time. I promised to live here for a really long time.

I threw away many, many things to be able to fit my furnitures and things in here. That means I don't have a sofa. I gave away my bookshelves. And lots of other stuff. But those are not that bad. I'm sure I find something for free.

Everyone will think I'm completely crazy.

And I would have to pack all my stuff again! And out again. And I'm sick and tired of doing that.

And I will have to drive all the time and I can't actually afford that even if it's cheaper renting there.

And my son wouldn't like it. Not because of the apartment, but because of the lousy public transportation.

But I really really miss that place. So bad!

Damn it!

What to do? What to do???

It doesn't help being 40 years old. My mind seems to think it is still very young whenever I have to make important decisions. I don't feel like I'm allowed being that old. I feel I'm not a day over 30 at least.

I'm gonna have to call someone later and find out if I'm being a complete idiot wanting to move again already.

I'm extremely tired so there's probably many many spelling mistakes here :P Just ignore it :)

No comments

Write a new comment

Paint me Black

Paint me Black

40, Re

Woman with AvPd (avoidant personality disorder), social phobia, ADHD and depression.


I'm honest and don't hide anything here but mine and others identity.

I'm a mom to two teenagers.

I have weekly individual therapy with a psychologist and I have meetings weekly with a psychiatric nurse.

My wishes is to be able to manage life without braking apart at every little bump in the road.

I want to live, but not like this for the rest of my life. That's why I am trying to do something about it.

Categories

Archive

hits